i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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