i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We are all done wearing pants today
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize