i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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