i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
