im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
