I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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