Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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