Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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