Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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