I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
