If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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