Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
