2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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