hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
