I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
