So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
