im having a threesome with these popsicles
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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