He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize