one two three fourrrrnication!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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