It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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