ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
