i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
