I wish my penis had an off switch
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I got inside last night via doggy door
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
