i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
