I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
This girl is more easily done than said...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize