I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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