How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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