pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
