i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
