i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize