oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
