dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
