She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
