i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
