My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
not ubering you a puppy
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
