my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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