it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
