my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
