we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
