That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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