I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
