i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
