Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
