First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
There was a lot of him and a little penis
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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