I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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