She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
