biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
