I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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