Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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