I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
