My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
