Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize