if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Drunk is not a location!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
