Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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