Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The uberlube is also flammable
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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