Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize