yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
