I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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