First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
