I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
its liver damage thursday
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
