if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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