Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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