dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
