Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's blow job season.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize