I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
