My friends, they love my intelligence
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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