There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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