i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize