He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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