I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
