They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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