I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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