Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The struggles of a small town man whore
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
