I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
