I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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