Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
