It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
