sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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