what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
