Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize