we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
