I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize