Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
