If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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