I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
