I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
