I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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