I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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