Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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