i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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