Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize