It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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