So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
