Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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