Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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