I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Still dying that you shit outside
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
