So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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