if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
