i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
