after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
